SOURCE: Dr. Tseday Aberra

May 07, 2008 11:00 ET

Message to Women: Be Self-Sufficient Before Marrying

Leading Authority on Marriage and Relationships Dr. Tseday Aberra Says Women's Inability to Take Care of Themselves First Is the Number One Mistake in Failed Marriages

LOS ANGELES, CA--(Marketwire - May 7, 2008) - The number one mistake in failed marriages is that couples marry before they know how to take care of themselves, according to top marriage and relationship expert Dr. Tseday Aberra. Like the foundation of a building, self-sufficiency is the heart and soul of a marriage yet surprisingly few couples recognize its importance.

"Becoming self-sufficient means satisfying all the necessities to live a regular life, excluding personal needs that are only satisfied by a companion," said Dr. Aberra. "All the primary elements such as a career, a college education, community involvement, interests, hobbies and a social life do not require the presence or participation of a companion."

Dr. Aberra says that living alone for an extended period of time and coming to know what it takes to be independent and self-sufficient is paramount. As self-sufficient women, finding pleasure in the freedom from rules imposed on them as children means taking on the responsibilities of providing for themselves and meeting responsibilities without the help of others in their lives. Dr. Aberra asserts that this is the first step toward independence and achieving self-sufficiency, followed by the responsibilities of financial independence. The goal is not to be wealthy but to be independent. Women cannot begin to look for mates until they have met these responsibilities on their own.

Just as a building's foundation is the key to preserving the integrity of the structure, so is self-sufficiency to the integrity of a marriage, according to Dr. Aberra. Marriage does not fix the deficiencies women suffer from not being self-sufficient when they are single. Hiding the deficiencies will only make matters worse, and more often than not it will end up breaking-up the marriage -- which was faulty to begin with, the doctor says.

Understanding self-sufficiency is crucial in preparing women for what to expect once they get married. Once women have managed to become self-sufficient, they can look for a mate that can be a companion. However, Dr. Aberra cautions that a companion is not there to do a woman's mundane chores. She can do those herself if she has to, and her companion is there to attend to the personal needs she cannot attend to on her own. A companion is to complement and enhance her life, a person with whom she shares her ideas and hopes, happiness and sadness, accomplishments and disappointments. A woman's companion is her sexual partner, and most of all, her friend. But to have such a companion, Dr. Aberra advises that she must be self-sufficient first.

Self-sufficiency is the foundation to preserving the integrity of a marriage, one that will prepare a woman to be, and to find, a wonderful companion.

Dr. Tseday Aberra is a clinical and forensic psychologist and one of the country's leading authorities on the male-female relationship. Dr. Aberra advocates a unique and at times controversial approach to the dynamics of marriage, the elements necessary for a successful relationship and the role of sex in a marriage. Dr. Aberra has a successful private practice in the greater Los Angeles area, has written numerous articles and conducted seminars across the country reaching countless people seeking to improve their relationships and marriages. More information is available at

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